So you’re gonna get in on a slice of the online dating action and have created what you think is a winning online dating profile. You’ve out it out there into cyberspace and are now playing the waiting game (or Monopoly, if you find that more fun than sitting round).
Fast forward years later and you’re still checking your profile regularly, but alas, no messages.
Turns out you’ve been getting the views but not the engagement.
So where’s it all going wrong? Have you put any of the things below in your online dating profile?
If so, take them out. You don’t know it, but you’re scaring us away.
‘I’m honest’
True, we don’t want to be going out with Pinocchio, despite his playful spirit and the fact you’d make friends with a wise talking insect who was his best friend, which is kind of cool, I admit.
But when a guy reads something like ‘I tell it like it is’ or ‘I’m sincere’ etc., we see it as code for ‘I’m nasty‘. I’ll bet you’re as nice as cherry pie (haven’t had that for a while, actually… might get myself to Lidl!), but it’s not what we’re hearing.
Online dates are awkward for you, your date and the waiting staff looking after you. Neither you nor I wants to meet up knowing our date will happily take a verbal sledgehammer to our fragile egos. We’re just bracing ourselves for the moment you’ll slug us with some brutal truth or other (normally just before dessert).
Don’t confuse being honest with being plain hurtful. Leave it to us to figure out if you’re sincere not. It’ll come across naturally.
‘If you’re some sort of weirdo who likes to…’
Packed to the rafters with deviants, degenerates, weirdos and morons, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the internet. Sadly, women seem to have a put up with a lot of nonsense from the men folk and statements like the above are meant to stop it before it starts.
But player’s gonna play. These guys will be too selfish to take on board your comment. They’ll message you with their dodgy requests or crude statements, regardless of what you write.
The only thing you can truly hope to achieve is scaring off a genuinely decent guy. Just talk about yourself in your profile and use your own good judgment during communications. It’s so much more refreshing than reading ‘All men are idiots’ (even though we might be).
‘I’m (very) ambitious’
We know where we stand when we read this: somewhere around the foot of the priorities list, or even the last item on it.
This statement tells us we’re the first thing for the chop if you get a chance to advance your career. Even Sidney the pet tortoise will be safer than us if it’ll get you that more senior role.
Sure, we’re happy to have the odd boy’s weekend while you’re away on a business trip, and it gives the time to focus on our hobbies while you follow your career.
We still like to see you, though, so don’t be surprised if one day we suddenly turn around and call it a day.
You’d have done it to us. You said as much in your profile.
‘Will fill this in later / Just ask’
C’mon, admit it, you won’t. We know it and you know it. You either don’t know what to write, don’t have the time or can’t be bothered, and are hoping that by placing one or two nice pictures up we’ll take the initiative.
But if you can’t squeeze in a few minutes to tell us a little about yourself, we can’t be bothered finding out more. It also makes it more difficult to start up a conversation in the first place, as we fumble around for something to say. ‘That’s a nice top. Did you get it at Next?’ – Not exactly riveting, is it!
Happy to click on the next profile and read about someone with a bit more to say for themselves. It takes all of about two seconds – hey, just like your profile did.
‘Been hurt in the past’
We all have. It’s why we’re all on these pesky sites, but when we read this we imagine you’ll always be on the defensive, and that you’re never really going to trust us. We’ll feel like we have to justify every little thing.
There’s only so much a guy or girl can take of that, so again we’ll keep looking for someone who will have fewer reservations about us. Life’s too short to work that hard at getting a relationship off the ground.
Although you might be itching to write some or all of these things in your profile, I’d suggest leaving them out. See what happens. A person’s qualities, values, etc. will all become apparent as you get to know them in person and through the communication.
What kind of things do you dislike seeing on online dating profiles? I know guys taking gym selfies isn’t the way to go! For sure there are things that we guys are doing which have you clicking away rapidement!
Images by Kate Briggs, Romerito Pontes and Florian_Aut and by way of Creative Commons license
